When you become a parent you change. Your very essence is altered. Every day is new; new feelings, new challenges, new love, and a new you. With birth there is rebirth. It is ugly and it is beautiful but most of all it is empowering.
As a new mother, every moment of every day is spent in worship of my children. I adore and am continuously amazed by everything about them. To me, they are everything.
I read a book about the universe when I was in high school and in it the author explains that we are made of nothing and stars. He describes the atom as if blown up to the size a baseball stadium with the centre, the nucleus, represented by a something even smaller than a baseball and the outer part just tiny gnats buzzing about. And in-between the baseball and the gnats? Nothingness. If all of the space was taken out of you, you would be a million times smaller than the smallest grain of sand. But it's nice knowing we are this emptiness, because this emptiness is simultaneously the source of all being, of human creativity, and of love. At age 17, I was blown away by the idea that what I am is ancient material, the same stuff that the stars are made of, and nothing. But now, at age 30, with two kids, I realize that that nothing is not just empty space. It's love. We need all that space to fill our being with crazy, passionate, unconditional love for our children.
I feel this for my kids but I am also awakened to the fact that my mother is also filled the same nothingness and stars. We have been loved in the same way that we love. That's pretty cool.
It's pretty cool and also an amazing blessing because sometimes people are difficult to love. Like when they pee on the couch, or sit on a vase and break it (why would anyone sit on a vase?), or play "who-can-annoy-mom-the-fastest."
As a child, we knew we were loved. But as parents, we are truly grateful for that kind of love. Our mothers teach us how to love and be loved. And there is a lot of love over here at the Harvey-Roach-Grant-Carr household this dark and rainy morning.
"There was no fireball, then the fireball erupted. The universe erupted, all that has existence erupted out of nothing, all of being erupted into shining existence."
We create from nothing these incredible beings into shining existence. So much love!
We love you moms!
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